{"id":5799,"date":"2019-07-07T17:57:09","date_gmt":"2019-07-07T14:57:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mahila.lt.kirtiklis.serveriai.lt\/?p=5799"},"modified":"2024-10-01T14:04:40","modified_gmt":"2024-10-01T11:04:40","slug":"nebijok-as-irgi-bijau","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mahila.lt\/index.php\/2019\/07\/07\/nebijok-as-irgi-bijau\/","title":{"rendered":"Nebijok, a\u0161 irgi bijau"},"content":{"rendered":"

Kai sulauki tam tikro am\u017eiaus, sakykim, trisde\u0161imties, baigiasi kompleksai, i\u0161nyksta baim\u0117s, jautiesi stipresnis negu bet kada anks\u010diau. Ir dar, ateina galas odos problemoms.<\/p>\n

Gerai b\u016bt\u0173.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Yra tame \u0161iek tiek tiesos, bet tik \u0161iek tiek.<\/p>\n

Nes net ir u\u017eaugus atsiranda prog\u0173 prisiminti, kad giliai tavo viduje pilna nemari\u0173 baub\u0173, kurie, u\u017egim\u0119 dar vaikyst\u0117je, niekada tav\u0119s nepalieka. Ir tikriausiai niekados ir nepaliks.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Prie\u0161 pusmet\u012f ra\u0161iau apie kompleksus ir tai, kaip ilgus metus su jais nes\u0117kmingai kovoju<\/a>. Ir dabar vartoju esam\u0105j\u012f laik\u0105, nes, kaip ir paauglyst\u0117je, kaip ir prie\u0161 de\u0161imt met\u0173 ar pusmet\u012f, taip ir \u0161iandien, tai yra vis dar besit\u0119sianti kova. La Sagrada Famillia prilygstan\u010dios nesibaigian\u010dios pasitik\u0117jimo savim statybos. Nurieda \u017eemyn koks blokelis ir tada v\u0117l kapstais i\u0161 naujo.<\/p>\n

Ne\u017einau, ar jums pa\u017e\u012fstamas jausmas, kai, sutik\u0119s kok\u012f sen\u0105 ar nauj\u0105 pa\u017e\u012fstam\u0105, kuris puikiai atrodo, skaniai kvepia ir akivaizd\u017eiai yra nepaprastai s\u0117kmingas, pradedi kompleksuoti ne tik d\u0117l savo prastesni\u0173 drabu\u017ei\u0173 ar fizin\u0117s formos, bet ir pad\u0117ties, pasiekim\u0173, kilm\u0117s ar i\u0161silavinimo tr\u016bkumo. Jautiesi kaltas, kad nesi pakankamai \u0161aunus.<\/p>\n

Kai tau visai sekasi, jautiesi atrodantis ir gyvenantis pakankamai neblogai, vis tiek atsiras ka\u017ekas, prie ko pasijusi it beveidis, pilkas sutv\u0117rimas, ir i\u0161ore, ir vidumi. I\u0161vyd\u0119s save \u0161alia intelektuali\u0173 puo\u0161ni\u0173 pon\u0173, i\u0161sig\u0105si, kaip smarkiai nu\u0161iur\u0119 tavo plaukai, i\u0161balusi oda, kokie per paprasti kvepalai, drabu\u017eiai ar aksesuarai, kaip ma\u017eai knyg\u0173 esi skait\u0119s, kiek ma\u017eai garbi\u0173 \u017emoni\u0173 pa\u017e\u012fsti, kaip nedaug esi pasiek\u0119s profesin\u0117je srityje.<\/p>\n

Esu ra\u0161iusi apie tai, kaip nesveika lygintis su kitais<\/a> ir toji mano nuomon\u0117 niekur nedingo. Ta\u010diau akimirksnio instinktas tai daryti taip pat gajus kaip ir anks\u010diau.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Kai prigauni save i\u0161gyvenant\u012f tokius jausmus, blaivus protas primena, kad, kuo didesn\u0117 tavo savivert\u0117, tuo ma\u017eiau reik\u0161m\u0117s teiki i\u0161orei, tuo re\u010diau menkas jauties greta kietesni\u0173. Prisimeni ir tai, jog vargu, ar kas apie tave tiek galvoja, kiek \u012fsivaizduoji juos galvojan\u010dius, nes visi mes esam pernelyg u\u017esi\u0117m\u0119 savimi. Bet vis tiek, regis, kilstel\u0117j\u0119s auk\u0161t\u0117liau, tokiomis akimirkomis v\u0117l krenti nuokaln\u0117n. O po to ir v\u0117l keliesi.<\/p>\n

M\u016bs\u0173 visuomen\u0117je \u012f nepasitik\u0117jim\u0105 savimi \u017ei\u016brima neigiamai, tad pripa\u017einti, kad tau tr\u016bksta to pasitik\u0117jimo – silpnumo po\u017eymis. Tad ma\u017eai kas ir kalba apie tai garsiai. Visi sau tyliai gyvenam su savais skausmais ir, ne\u017einodami, kaip i\u0161 ties\u0173 jau\u010diasi kiti, galvojam, kad tik mums \u010dia taip. Visi kiti juk stipr\u016bs, tik a\u0161 vienas ne.<\/p>\n

\u012era\u0161e apie kompleksus daugiausia kalb\u0117jau apie i\u0161vaizd\u0105. Ta\u010diau nesaugumas nesibaigia ten, kur baigiasi i\u0161or\u0117. Jis lenda, vejasi, savo \u0161akomis apraizgo kur kas giliau.<\/p>\n

Turiu toki\u0105 bjauri\u0105 yd\u0105 \u2013 noriu patikti \u017emon\u0117ms, man svarbu, k\u0105 apie mane galvoja kiti.<\/p>\n

Here, I said it<\/em>.<\/p>\n

\u010cia ir dabar kalbu visi\u0161kai atvirai, neapsimetu stipresne ar kietesne negu esu.<\/p>\n

Nenoriu, kad taip b\u016bt\u0173, bet taip yra. Ne\u017einau, i\u0161 kur tai atkeliavo. Gal vaikyst\u0117je tr\u016bko d\u0117mesio ir, siekdama jo gauti, i\u0161bandydavau visokias taktikas. O gal i\u0161 ankstyvosios paauglyst\u0117s ne\u0161uosi baim\u0119 neb\u016bti tarp kie\u010diausi\u0173j\u0173, likti nuo\u0161alyje, neb\u016bti prie chebros.<\/p>\n

Did\u017ei\u0105j\u0105 savo gyvenimo dal\u012f nedr\u012fsau rengtis vienoki\u0173 ar kitoki\u0173 drabu\u017ei\u0173 vien d\u0117l to, jog \u017einojau, kad rasis \u017emoni\u0173, kurie jais pasibais\u0117s, nesupras, sukritikuos. Rizikinga bandyti i\u0161siskirti. Kart\u0105 paband\u0119s gali sulaukti tokio \u017eodinio pliekimo, kad kit\u0105syk jau ir nebei\u0161dr\u012fsi.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Nepaprastai didel\u012f nerim\u0105 man kelia jausmas, kad mane pamir\u0161to, nepakviet\u0117, nepakalbino. Sveiku protu suprantu, kad \u0161ita baim\u0117 da\u017eniausiai yra nepagr\u012fsta, ta\u010diau jausmai yra jausmai ir j\u0173 taip paprastai nei\u0161jungsi.<\/p>\n

Jau\u010diuosi nusikaltusi, nevykusi ir prasta, kai man atrodo, kad ka\u017ekam ne\u012ftikau. Tiek, kad b\u016b\u010diau pakviesta, pakalbinta, priimta ir prie chebros.<\/p>\n

Kai taip nutinka, nema\u017eai laiko praleid\u017eiu analizuodama, k\u0105 padariau ne taip.<\/p>\n

Protu suvokiu, kad ne\u012fmanoma tur\u0117ti \u0161imto draug\u0173 \u2013 nei a\u0161 tiek pane\u0161\u010diau, nei toji tiekos draugys\u010di\u0173 padrika kokyb\u0117 vargu ar d\u017eiugint\u0173. Ta\u010diau pajutusi, kad nutr\u016bko vieni ar kiti santykiai, ir \u010dia pasineriu \u012f apgalvojimus, k\u0105 padariau ne taip, kuo prasikaltau, kad taip nutiko. Galvoje v\u0117l ir v\u0117l suku praeityje \u012fvykusias situacijas ir ie\u0161kau kabliuk\u0173, kur gal\u0117jau suklupt ir apsijuodint.<\/p>\n

Jaudinuosi d\u0117l to, k\u0105 apie mane galvoja kiti. Iki \u0161iol, net ir sulaukusi tiekos met\u0173, gavusi d\u0117mesio, i\u0161raudonuoju. Jei d\u0117mesys neigiamas, jau\u010diu kalt\u0119 ir, prab\u0117gus tai akimirkai, dar de\u0161imtis kart\u0173, m\u0117nesius ir metus atmintyje vis i\u0161 naujo apgalvoju situacij\u0105, taip tik\u0117damasi i\u0161jausti ir i\u0161silai\u017eyti tada ap\u0117musi\u0105 kalt\u0119. Tik pavyksta ne visada.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

-Kai nepasakoji apie save, tave laiko u\u017edaru, u\u017esisklendusiu, slapukaujan\u010diu, gal net aroganti\u0161ku ar piktu.<\/p>\n

-Kai papasakoji, rizikuoji u\u017esiklijuoti egocentriko, kuris vis kalba apie save, etiket\u0119.<\/p>\n

-Kai stengiesi b\u016bti ramus ir susitur\u0117j\u0119s, tau sakys, kad esi nuoboda ir rimtuolis.<\/p>\n

-Kai atsipalaiduosi, pasmerks, kas \u010dia per d\u017eiugesys, juk reikia jaust ribas. Reikia atsipalaiduoti ir d\u017eiaugtis, bet ne per daug.<\/p>\n

-Kai prislopinsi savo nuomon\u0119, u\u017epuls, kad tyli, nieko nesakai, tos nuomon\u0117s ir neturi.<\/p>\n

-Kai pasireik\u0161i, u\u017e\u0117s, kad per daug rei\u0161kies, tikriausiai manai, jog ta tavo nuomon\u0117 yra toji vienintel\u0117 teisinga.<\/p>\n

Reikia atrasti aukso vidur\u012f? Gerai b\u016bt\u0173, bet vargu, ar tai \u012fmanoma. Taip ir m\u0117tom\u0117s, nuo vieno prie kito. Kaip sraig\u0117s i\u0161lendam i\u0161 kiauto, iki kol gaunam per ragus ir v\u0117l vyniojam\u0117s atgal \u012f vienum\u0105 \u2013 ten, kur saugu.<\/p>\n

Ir tada, kai pradedi sk\u0119sti nerim\u0173 nerimuos, kai v\u0117l \u012fsibaimini, kad nesi m\u0117gstamas, sveiku protu sau primeni \u2013 negalvok, jog \u017emon\u0117s turi laiko ir jo skiria galvoti apie tave.<\/p>\n

Pasitik\u0117k savimi. Nesijaudink. Nesigilink. Nesijausk blogai. Nesigail\u0117k. Nekaltink sav\u0119s. Nesigrau\u017ek. Neli\u016bd\u0117k.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Kad ir kiek ir pats, ir kiti tau tai sakyt\u0173, kad ir kiek populiariosios ir ne psichologijos veikal\u0173 beperskaitytum, dienos pabaigoje esi nuogas, pa\u017eeid\u017eiamas \u017emogus, ne\u0161antis savo kalt\u0119 per gyvenim\u0105.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Ne\u017einau, ar \u012fmanoma jautis visi\u0161kai saugiai. \u017dinoma, tas supratimas, jog niekas n\u0117ra garantuota, padeda vertinti tai, k\u0105 turi, ir su savo turtais elgtis pagarbiai. Ta\u010diau tas pats supratimas, kur beb\u016btum \u2013 t\u0117v\u0173 namuos Panev\u0117\u017eyje, prie darbo stalo ar Montanos kalnuos, neleid\u017eia iki galo atsipalaiduoti ir tiesiog b\u016bti.<\/p>\n

Kai baigias paauglyst\u0117, kompleksai ir baim\u0117s patys sau u\u017e dur\u0173 nepasilieka. Reik juos stumt, gr\u016bst, vyt i\u0161 nam\u0173 j\u0117ga. Tik kad vis randa kaip v\u0117l pargr\u012f\u017et, rodos, jau i\u0161vyti, pralenda pro dur\u0173 ply\u0161ius, kai pats to nesitiki. O tada ir v\u0117l veji.<\/p>\n

Nesidvor\u0117k pasakyti \u017emon\u0117ms, kad \u017eaviesi, kad vertini, kad esi d\u0117kingas. Labai gali b\u016bti, kad jiems irgi taip pat baisu.<\/p>\n

***
\nJei patinka, kaip ra\u0161au,\u00a0 pad\u0117k\u0105 gali i\u0161reik\u0161ti tapdamas mano Patreon rem\u0117ju \u0161tai \u010dia<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Kai sulauki tam tikro am\u017eiaus, sakykim, trisde\u0161imties, baigiasi kompleksai, i\u0161nyksta baim\u0117s, jautiesi stipresnis negu bet kada anks\u010diau. Ir dar, ateina galas odos problemoms. Gerai b\u016bt\u0173.…<\/p>\n

Skaityti daugiauNebijok, a\u0161 irgi bijau<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":5807,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[1612,323,2495,448,2494,551,2493,2492],"class_list":["post-5799","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-be-kategorijos","tag-baime","tag-geda","tag-isore","tag-jausmai","tag-kalte","tag-kompleksai","tag-nepasitikejimas","tag-nesaugumas","entry"],"yoast_head":"\nNebijok, a\u0161 irgi bijau - Mahila<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mahila.lt\/index.php\/2019\/07\/07\/nebijok-as-irgi-bijau\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"lt_LT\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Nebijok, a\u0161 irgi bijau - Mahila\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Kai sulauki tam tikro am\u017eiaus, sakykim, trisde\u0161imties, baigiasi kompleksai, i\u0161nyksta baim\u0117s, jautiesi stipresnis negu bet kada anks\u010diau. 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