{"id":4225,"date":"2018-05-01T21:38:53","date_gmt":"2018-05-01T18:38:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mahila.lt.kirtiklis.serveriai.lt\/?p=4225"},"modified":"2019-02-02T16:42:29","modified_gmt":"2019-02-02T14:42:29","slug":"apie-nenutylejimus","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mahila.lt\/index.php\/2018\/05\/01\/apie-nenutylejimus\/","title":{"rendered":"Apie nenutyl\u0117jimus"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Man da\u017enai sako, kad m\u0117gstu i\u0161si\u0161okti. Ne i\u0161vaizda, ne klyksmais perd\u0117tai guvi\u0173 kompanij\u0173 apsupty, o tuo, kaip kartais bendrauju su \u017emon\u0117mis. I\u0161si\u0161okimu paprastai vadina mano tiems \u017emon\u0117ms u\u017eduodamus klausimus, i\u0161sakom\u0105 nuomon\u0119, tiesmuk\u0105 ir pernelyg neredaguot\u0105.<\/p>\n<p>Bet taip jau yra. Jei man kas \u012fdomu, visada, na, beveik visada ir paklausiu apie tuos dalykus, kurie masina mano susidom\u0117jim\u0105. Kartais manoji intuicija tokia smarki, kad tiesiog negaliu nesu\u017einot, ar ji nemeluoja. Jei kas gra\u017eu, kalbu apie tai su viltim, kad padr\u0105sintas gro\u017eis gali skleistis ir nebepradingt.<\/p>\n<p>Matot, kai klausimus adresuoji tiesiai tiems, kurie domina, nebereikia sp\u0117liot, kurt s\u0105mokslo teorij\u0173 ar tik\u0117t kit\u0173 sukurtomis jomis.<\/p>\n<p>Tai, kad dr\u012fstu prad\u0117ti kalb\u0105 ar klausti apie visuotinai da\u017enai nutylimus reikalus, \u017emones stebina. Juk paprastai esam prat\u0119 nutyl\u0117t, pab\u016bt sant\u016briai, pasilaikyt sau. Juos tai ne tik stebina, bet ir glumina.<\/p>\n<p>Gaunu bart i\u0161 sant\u016bresni\u0173j\u0173 u\u017e tai, kaip gi a\u0161 dr\u012fstu, kaip taip galima. Garsiai i\u0161tart nelie\u010diamus vardus, veiksma\u017eod\u017eius, daiktavard\u017eius, b\u016bdvard\u017eius ir kartais keiksma\u017eod\u017eius. Kalbint, regis, neprakalbinamus, girt tuos, kas n\u0117ra \u012fprat\u0119 b\u016bti giriami, kviest nepakviestus, provokuot u\u017esidengusius. Pasakyt, kad matau nerim\u0105 j\u0173 akyse, kad noriu \u017einoti, ar ir kaip galiu pad\u0117ti, girt ne tik u\u017e vizual\u0173 akivaizd\u0173 gro\u017e\u012f, bet ir ger\u0105 \u0161ird\u012f, u\u017e prot\u0105, kartais u\u017e entuziazm\u0105, u\u017e juok\u0105, net pasirinkimus.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-4226\" src=\"http:\/\/mahila.lt\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/tumblr_oiwrpfhmrC1r6xg0co1_1280.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"566\" height=\"377\" srcset=\"https:\/\/mahila.lt\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/tumblr_oiwrpfhmrC1r6xg0co1_1280.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/mahila.lt\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/tumblr_oiwrpfhmrC1r6xg0co1_1280-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/mahila.lt\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/tumblr_oiwrpfhmrC1r6xg0co1_1280-768x512.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 566px) 100vw, 566px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Kartais taip smarkiai susi\u017eaviu, kad mano pagyros net gali priversti jaustis nepatogiai. Ypa\u010d kok\u012f nepalepint\u0105 lietuv\u012f su savo \u0161viesia, niekeno anks\u010diau neglostyta galva. Giriu garsiai, be su\u0161velninim\u0173, be sant\u016brumo, tiesiai beriu \u012f akis. Kartais nesupranta.<\/p>\n<p>O jei kas \u017eeid\u017eia ir gelia, prabilt apie tai ne k\u0105 ma\u017eiau svarbu. Galima klaust, kai neai\u0161ku, kai ne\u017einai, bet nori \u017einot, nepa\u017e\u012fsti, bet trok\u0161ti pa\u017eint.<\/p>\n<p>Dar man sako, kad, \u0161vie\u017eiai i\u0161krit\u0119 mano netik\u0117ti klausimai kartais u\u017ekabina jautrias vietas. Apsilanko ten, kur dar niekam nebuvo leista u\u017esukti, priver\u010dia jaustis nepatogiai ir m\u0105styti bent keletu \u017eingsni\u0173 toliau negu planuota. Ir kartais tie klausimai i\u0161judina tai, kas seniai buvo apleista ir palikta merd\u0117ti.<\/p>\n<p>B\u016bna, taip smarkiai pa\u0161okdina, kad ir kelias dienas ar savaites truk\u0119s irzulys v\u0117liau i\u0161siver\u010dia \u012f tikrus planus ir sprendimus veikti. Ir neb\u016btinai visada tai ai\u0161kiai suvokiant.<\/p>\n<p>Man da\u017enai atrodo, kad \u017emon\u0117s man\u0119s nem\u0117gsta. Kad su savo esybe i\u0161krentu i\u0161 konteksto ir drums\u010diu j\u0173 stingdan\u010di\u0105 ramum\u0105. Ie\u0161kau erdv\u0117s mest i\u0161\u0161\u016bkiams, kur j\u0173 nieks nesitik\u0117jo. Gal ir klystu. O gal ir ne. Laikui b\u0117gant vis da\u017eniau pavyksta prisiminti, kad tiesa yra tik tai, kuo mes tikim. Ar pasirenkam tik\u0117t.<\/p>\n<p>Ne viskas viskas sukasi apie kiekvieno m\u016bs\u0173 atskir\u0105 visat\u0105, kurioje mes patys atrodom sau tokie reik\u0161mingi. Kit\u0173 visatose tos vietos ir reik\u0161m\u0117s da\u017eniausiai visgi turim ma\u017eiau negu norim ar kaip tik bijom. Visi ir kiekvienas vis \u012f save, apie save. Tik savos paprastai svarbios kli\u016btys, nuo sav\u0173 pagiri\u0173 skauda sav\u0105 galv\u0105 ir nerimai kankina tik savi. Ir \u0161iame tekste daugiau nei de\u0161imt syki\u0173 pamin\u0117ta \u201ca\u0161\u201d, \u201cmano\u201d, \u201cman\u201d ir \u201csavo\u201d. Kol a\u0161 kalbu apie save, tau skauda savo.<\/p>\n<p>Ir viskas tiktai m\u016bs\u0173 galvose ir tik dar truput\u012f i\u0161or\u0117je. Kaskart kai tau baisu d\u0117l triuk\u0161mo, kuris kils pajudinus apleistus ir ilgai neliestus vidaus s\u0105status, prisimink, kad kaip greit tas triuk\u0161mas suskamb\u0117s, taip greit i\u0161sisklaidys, u\u017esimir\u0161, i\u0161eis i\u0161 mados grei\u010diau nei sp\u0117si su\u017ei\u016br\u0117t. Tik meil\u0117 liks.<\/p>\n<p>Galvok apie meil\u0119, kai jos nebelieka,<br \/>\nnaktim ir dienom apie meil\u0119 galvok \u2013<\/p>\n<p>&#8212;<\/p>\n<p>Kai eina mirtis, kaip kat\u0117 abejinga,<br \/>\nir ply\u0161ta palaik\u0117 skarel\u0117 vilties,<br \/>\ngalvok apie meil\u0119. Kai viskas nusninga,<br \/>\ni\u0161byra, sup\u016bva \u2013 ji lieka vis tiek.<\/p>\n<p>***<\/p>\n<p>Jei tau patinka tai, kaip ra\u0161au,\u00a0 pad\u0117k\u0105 gali i\u0161reik\u0161ti <a href=\"https:\/\/www.patreon.com\/mahila\">tapdamas mano patronu \u0161tai \u010dia<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Man da\u017enai sako, kad m\u0117gstu i\u0161si\u0161okti. Ne i\u0161vaizda, ne klyksmais perd\u0117tai guvi\u0173 kompanij\u0173 apsupty, o tuo, kaip kartais bendrauju su \u017emon\u0117mis. I\u0161si\u0161okimu paprastai vadina mano&#8230;<\/p>\n<div class=\"more-link-wrapper\"><a class=\"more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/mahila.lt\/index.php\/2018\/05\/01\/apie-nenutylejimus\/\">Skaityti daugiau<span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Apie nenutyl\u0117jimus<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":4226,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1384],"tags":[2274,1635,448],"class_list":["post-4225","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-jausmai","tag-atvirumas","tag-drasa","tag-jausmai","entry"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Apie nenutyl\u0117jimus - Mahila<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Sako, kad m\u0117gstu i\u0161si\u0161okti. 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